#and today i had a nightmare ig

[deus-ex-mona]

kawaikute gomen and sukicchuno really would’ve been fun beatmaps on honeypre…

[wingsofhcpe]

pros of watching bly manor: beautifully written story, sapphic action, made me Feel Things

cons of watching bly manor: I am now filled with terrible anxiety and fear over losing those i love most (more of that fear/andiety than usual, anyway)

[just-spacetrash]

✏️

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

[autism-corner]

waugh

[blizzardfluffykpop]

I've been thinking about crocheting a slice of bread (because of Younghoon)- for a few weeks now- the thing holding me back was finishing a mini sweater for my mom's plushie- I did not want to finish that thing at all- (It only needed 6 more stitches and two 12 chains on either side)... The want to have a bread plushie for yh was so strong that I finished those stitches- and two days later- (after watching love revolution) In 3 hrs- I made 'Bbangie'! The bread loaf of my crochet dreams~ (It was actually really easy- I just kept getting distracted by tbz) And if anyone wishes to know the pattern/see Bbangie lmk-

[almadelsur]

💋 The Turmoil One Suffers

summary: In the second installment of The Secrets One Keeps, a relaxing day on the pogue proves to be anything but, with your inner struggles getting the better of you and JJ hot on your tail.

jj maybank x reader, rafe cameron x reader

warnings: some good old angsty pining, very very slight smut if you squint, fem!reader, talks of suffocation ig? plz let me know if I've missed anything.

a/n: SHE'S BACKKKK, so I've decided to completely reformat and re-post this fic with a few tweaks and editing considering I first wrote this like 3 years ago. Also, for those asking, I won't be doing a taglist for this fic bc I'm lazy and technologically deficient.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・

You shouldn’t have been smoking, it made you feel uneasy, paranoid even.

You had found yourself on the pogue in the wake of Pope’s incessant bitching about how you had to make up for ditching them last night. The guilt had made you cave in. As he spoke, all that had flashed through your head was images of Rafe. You on top of Rafe, Rafe with his hands around your neck, the way Rafe’s hair felt between your fingers as you gripped on it when he got messy between your-

“Dude” Sarah’s voice snapped you out of your recurring thoughts.

You turned your head to her as you took a drag of the blunt JJ had rolled, "hmm?"

“I asked if you wanted a beer?”

You checked the time on your phone, 12pm. After enduring 3 hours on this floating nightmare, you decide you're probably deserving of one.

“uh yeah sure.” You took another hit, extending your arm to grab the cold bottle.

You bought the edge of the glass bottle up to your lips and took a swig, letting the liquid wash over your cotton mouth. A swig swiftly turning into a gulp as thirst suddenly became itself known to you. One gulp then turned to two and before you knew it the bottle dried out.

JJ eyed your every move, the feeling that had been bugging him since you got into the Twinkie that morning had now grown into full-blown concern. Your unusual behaviour was deafening with the sounds of alarm bells.

“Thirsty?” He spoke with furrowed brows, prompting Pope to chuckle though no joke had been intended.

Your eyes flickered towards JJ momentarily and instantly you knew what he was  thinking. Anger disguised as adrenaline coursed through you.

“Sarah will you pass me another? Mines empty.” Defiance clear in your tone, causing a thick tension to settle over the boat.

“'s a bit it early to start chugging drinks isn’t it?” JJ speaks up again before Sarah has time to respond.

You scoffed as you turned to him once more, maintaining eye contact as you took a long drag from blunt. As you exhaled the smoke, the thick white cloud blurred his features.

“Sarah” you tried again.

You hear a small sigh as she hands you another bottle.

“Thank you” You took another swig at the bottle, hoping the liquid would force down the concoction of guilt and anger that swirled in your mouth.

“So like am I saying words out loud or is it just in my head?” JJ tried, at this point he just wanted a reaction out of you.

“You asked me to come here.” Your tone was snippy, as another burst of smoke entered your system.

“well my mistake clearly.” He was getting pissed off now, and you couldn’t deny the sick satisfaction it gave you. You knew it was unfair, he hadn’t done anything wrong, you just couldn’t help it.

Pope cleared his throat. “This is a whole lotta tension for such a little boat.” He tried to lighten the mood but his joke fell flat.

As you downed your second beer, you took another drag. “It is isn’t it?” You turned to him.

“Maybe you should have some of this JJ, it’ll help you relax.” You threw the blunt in his direction, letting it fall at his feet.

“What the hell crawled up your ass today?” JJ spat at you, picking up the blunt.

The mixture of alcohol and weed infected your system, your breathing became staggered as you suddenly became hyper aware of the layers clinging onto your body.

You don't answer. Instead choosing to stand up and remove your T-shirt. Rafe returned to your mind as you focused on the image of him mimicking your same actions. Your trousers were next to go. You pushed them down whilst picturing Rafe’s hands running down your legs.

Pope eyed Sarah and JJ who’s gaze were trained on you and your movements.

“Whatcha doing there bud?” Sarah asked watching you strip down to your underwear.

“I’m too hot” was all you said, stepping off the edge of the boat and letting yourself plunge into the cool water below you.

As you became completely submerged, you breathed out all of the air in your irritated lungs. Leaving you empty and heavy as you continued to sink. The muffled noises of the water hit against your head yet all you could hear was your thoughts racing. 

As the need for air increased, the rush of thought slowed. You liked it. The weightlessness of your body, mixed with the numbing of all of your senses was peacefull. A welcome change from the overdrive your body had been running on for the past year. 

You forced yourself to stay down there, pushing your physical boundaries. A split second before completely losing consiousness you emerged again, letting the air penetrate through your system and invade your insides as it worked to reboot your muscles before giving life again to the internal mayhem in your mind again. 

You floated with your head above the surface and your back facing the pogues. You couldn’t find yourself to act remotely interested in what they thought about your little show. 

JJ in turn felt as though he was slowly loosing his head. He felt dumbfounded because it wasn’t just your behaviour that was different, your entire demeanour and vibe was off and he failed to comprehend what could have happened in the span of 12 hours for you to return to him a complete different person. 

Sarah could see the way he looked at you, he was hot on your tail and she panicked trying to divert his calculating eyes from you. “So” she spoke up loud enough so that you could hear and be part of the conversation should you wish to. “Theres a party at my house tonight.”

“Oh really?” JJ answered, evidently uninterested as he continued his stare down with the back of your head. 

“Yeah Ward’s out of town with Rose and y'know Rafe, any opportunity he has to get shitfaced he’ll take it.” Relief washed over her as JJ’s eyes finally unglued from you. 

At the mention of Rafe your ears perked up. 

“Do you guys wanna come?” A devilish grin on her face evident as she spoke. 

“A kook party? We wouldn't be welcome.” Pope answered for the three of you, prompting a scoff from Sarah. 

“It’s my house too, plus I already threatened Rafe to let me invite you guys. I told him I’d snitch on him otherwise.” She shrugged.

“I’m sure he loved that” JJ added, amused at the thought of antagonising the Cameron boy. 

“Well what did he say?” Three pairs of eyes turned to you as you finally spoke up from the water, now facing the boat again. 

JJ couldnt help the face that your question caused him to pull. Why did you suddenly care about what Rafe Cameron had to say? Sarah already said they could go so why did it even matter? 

“He said whatever as long we stay away from him.” Her answer caused Pope and JJ to roll their eyes. It had been somewhat of a lie though. 

Because what Rafe had really said when Sarah had threatened him was, “whatever just stay away from us, and why don't you go ahead and bring that sexy little friend of yours.” 

To which Sarah had replied with, “We wouldn’t want to hang out with you and your classist friends anyway. Also, Kiara’s with JJ, and Y/N wouldn’t even touch you with a 10 foot pole so.” Unkowing of the situation between you and Rafe.

Looking back at it now, Rafe’s coy response of “we’ll see” suddenly made much more sense to her as she shuddered slightly in disgust. 

“Can’t we take a night off? I mean don’t you guys think we’ve been going a little extra hard recently?” Pope tried to reason as you swam back up towards the boat, forcing yourself on board again. 

“I’ll be there.” You interjected as the water ran down your body, soaking the deck of the hms. 

“we all will be.” JJ fired back, a confusing swirl of concern and anger towards your attitude fought for dominance within his head. 

You ignored him once more and lay back on the sodden deck, letting your persistant introspection rest as the blanket that was intoxication comforted you. You looked up at the clouds and the weighlessness returned. Before you knew it, he sounds of Pope and Sarah chatting drifted away with the soft waves that carried the boat. You lost grip on consciousness as the sun lulled you to sleep.

Around half an hour went by before JJ spoke up. “hey" he double checked you were definitely asleep.

He took your silence as confirmation before turning to the other two. “Y'all saw that right?”

“Saw what?” Sarah played dumb even though he she knew exactly what he was referring to.

“the way she was acting” He whisper shouted, confused as to why no one else seemed remotely worried. “It was like she hated us.” He spoke with the tone of a wounded man.

“Yeah… us.” Pope muttered under his breath.

“I think she’s just tired J, she uh- she had a long night.” Sarah stiffled what had been something between a laugh and a groan.

“Nah guys look- I know her, that wasn’t normal.” JJ didn’t ease up.

“We all know her.” Pope jumped on the defensive.

“c’mon dude it’s not just me, somethings obviously wrong”

At this point Sarah wished for anything to distract him, because as much as JJ wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to academic performance, he most certainly wasn’t dumb. And he definitely knew what he was talking about when it came to you.

“Maybe It’s.. you know..” Pope waggled his eyebrows. “Her time…” he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck “of- of the month?”

“Nice Pope.” Sarah rolled her eyes.

“’s not that. Guys look listen to me somethings definitely wr-“ the ringing of his phone interrupted JJ mid sentence. Saved by the bell. Literally.

JJ grabbed his phone and his frown eased up slightly as he looked at the caller ID.

“Hey baby” his tone made it seem like whatever he had been worrying about softened it’s grip on him at the sound of her voice. “Uh huh, okay give us ten and we’ll be there.” He hung up the phone and slipped it back into his pocket.

“Kie?” Sarah asked, praying he wouldn’t resume his ramble.

“Yeah she’s finished up at the wreck, wants us to go get her.” And with that the subject was dropped.

—————————————————————————

The late afternoon breeze stroked you awake as you suddenly became aware of the voices around you.

Your eyes fluttered open and you stirred where you lay, your body stiff from the 4 hour positioning against the hard wood of the hms. You slowly sat yourself up and threw your T-shirt back on your body before turning back to glance at the now complete group of pogues. Fuck how long had you been out for.

You let your eyes linger on Kiara and JJ a couple of seconds longer than everybody else. He laughed carelessly pulling her tighter against his side. You groaned out quietly and reached for your phone, typing out that damned name.

To Rafe: Having a party and you didn’t invite me? I’m almost offended.

Almost instantly a reply came through.

Miss me already?

You rolled your eyes as he sent you another.

Figured Sarah would open her big mouth, better see you tonight ;)

“Morning Camper.” John B spoke up. You turned around to face him, every single one of them with their attention on you.

“Hey can you take me home?” You directed at no one in particular.

“You don’t wanna stay and hang out?” Kie asked, she wanted to reach you, connect with you.

“I just want to go home” You were irritated and your head hurt, you were certainly in no mood for any of this.

John B was next to try “C’mon man we haven’t all hung out like this in ag-“

“Fuck just take me home” You lashed out. “please” You added in an attempt to soften the blow.

Silence fell over the pogues as John B lifted himself up and steered the boat towards the direction of your house.

As you hopped down you muttered a joyless goodbye to everyone.

“Wait! I’ll walk you in.” JJ peeled himself away from Kiara and followed behind you, slightly speeding as you hadn’t bothered to stop and wait.

He walked beside you, waiting until you were both out of hearing distance from the others.

“why are you angry?” He spoke up.

“I’m not angry.” You tried to walk faster but a calloused hand stopped you.

“Stop. Just stop.” You heard the desperation in his voice as he turned you around to face him. “can you just talk to me? Look whatever I did to piss you off I’m sorry. You just- you were fine yesterday and now all of a sudden you hate us-“

“Stop JJ” You just wanted it to stop. The consequence of your actions pounding down on you with every word that left his mouth.

“Stop what?!” He couldn’t help but shake you.

“Talking! Stop talking!” You shoved him forcefully off of you.

“The hell's wrong with you?! dude I’m worried about you. Today’s just been so weird.” His fingers shoved themselves through his hair, a nervous habit of his.

The familiar lump in your throat began to form at the sight of your best friend.

“I’m tired J.” It wasn’t a lie, you really were fucking exhausted. You were tired of lying, tired of watching the boy you loved love someone else, tired of trudging through your life heartbroken.

“You’re lying.” He shook his head like a disappointed parent. “Why you lyin' to me?”

“JJ. I’m. Tired.” You screwed your eyes shut as your breathing began to quicken “I’m not lying I’m just-“

“Okay alright.”  His embrace cut you off. “I believe you.” He hated seeing you upset. Having known you practically his whole life, he also knew that nothing ever got resolved when you got like this, so he dropped the subject.

You almost broke down then and there, using everything you had in you to move your arms around him, hugging him back.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, the meaning behind your words far greater than he could realise.

“Hey it’s okay, we all have off days right?” He let go of you and gave you a small smile.

“Right.” Your remained court and quiet. 

“I’ll see you tonight. Go rest for a bit okay?”

You nodded and began to walk away before his voice stopped you once more.

“Yo” You turned to see that he had shoved his hands in pockets. “You’d tell me if something was wrong right?” He hated that he even had to ask.

“Mhm, course” You lied straight through your teeth before turning and walking away from him uninterrupted. You knew that as soon and as your bedroom door closed behind you, you’d sink down into a pit of despair and loathing.

Whilst the resolution had given him a little comfort, something deep inside told him that this wasn’t the end of it.

Perhaps he should have left things alone, maybe then things wouldn’t have escalated to extent that they were about to.

So as he watched you walk away, JJ stood there unknowing of what was to come. Unknowing of the way things were about to change between you forever.

[just-rogi]

No offense but if the turnover rate for your profession after five years is about 50% AND you have crippling staff shortages nationally,, and the fact that you are paid disgustingly little is the punchline to many, many, jokes…. Maybe that’s a sign that something is very wrong and what you are asking if your staff is unsustainable…

[ursuu-la]

I've loved your Spencer one shots!

f you're still doing requests I'd love a good hurt/comfort with Spencer x fem!reader . Maybe the reader (maybe she's in the bau or something) is kidnapped or in danger in some way and Spencer/the team save her. Along with some good comfort after.

If not that's okay too!

Safe again - S. Reid.

tw: being kidnapped, being forced to eat, nightmares ig, having wounds.

wc: 2.6k

a/n: well, that took longer that expected. I hope you like it♡ btw let me know if there are any other triggers that I didn't point out!! Thanks♡♡

(requests are open.)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The roof was filled with mold, the floor felt cold, and your back hurt like hell. In fact, your whole body hurt like hell, especially your face due to all the torture your kidnapper had put on you. You knew the team would come to save you from this nightmare, but your hopes decreased every minute that passed by.

You saw her shadow appearing when the door opened, 'Not again...' You thought. She walked down the basement stairs and got closer to you. There was a plate on her hand, and it had some rice in it, like it always did.

"I hope you're hungry, I made this specially for you." You heard the woman's voice, and as she spoke, you could already feel your stomach wanting to throw up. Everything related to her caused you nausea.

"I... I'll eat it later..." You spoke, trying to avoid the food, but your words only made your kidnapper annoyed.

"You have to eat!" She cleared her throat. "I mean, darling, you'll get sick if you don't eat... please. Do it for me..." You tried to look away, avoiding her presence, but she grabbed your face and locked eyes with you. You felt her cold hands on your chin as you saw her grab some rice with the rusty spoon she had brought, the spoon was getting closer to your mouth, and a tear of desperation rolled down your face when you realized you had no choice.

"Please..." You lifted your gaze and looked at the kidnapper, begging for some compassion.

Spencer was pouring coffee in his cup, when a hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Shut up and eat!" She forced the spoon inside your mouth and watched as you ate. You felt a metal-like taste in your mouth, but you couldn't tell if it was the rusty spoon or the blood coming out of all the wounds you had in your face, that once again started to bleed.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"Hey. Do you wanna talk?" Garcia was standing next to him, her hand reassuring Reid's shoulder. "It's like your fourteenth cup of coffee today. That's a lot. Even for you." She tried to joke, but she knew that Spencer wouldn't laugh at all.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." Reid placed the cup back on the counter and left it there, the fact that his behavior had been pointed out made him a little embarrassed.

"It's okay not to be... and you can't be fine. Not with what is going on, Spence." Penelope watched how her friend just looked down at the floor and remained in silence. For a second, it looked as if he was about to speak, but then Reid just silenced himself and turned away from Garcia. "Look, (y/n) has been kidnapped, and we're all doing everything in our hands to save her. You're one of the, if not the, most intelligent agent we have, and (y/n) needs your full concentration in the case in order to be saved." She was now speaking in a calmer tone as a hand rested in Spencer's shoulder. "I know it's hard... But you can always vent with me and with everyone else in the team."

For a moment, Spencer was still giving his back to Penelope, but then he turned to face her, and his eyes were teary. It broke Garcia's heart to see her friend like this, but she knew that now that he allowed himself to be worried openly, things would go smoother in the case.

"I just miss her so much..." Reid's voice was barely audible, but what could be heard was filled with sadness.

Hotch was a couple of steps away from the two of them. He couldn't hear what they were speaking about, but he knew it was about (y/n). He had a case file in his hands, new information had arrived from the local police station, and he knew that it was going to be a game changer. Aaron had told the rest of the team to go to the conference room, and now he had to speak to Spencer and Penelope.

"Guys." His voice sounded warmer than usual, a colleague's disappearance made the way he acted different. "I need you in the conference room and in your office now, please. It's about (y/n)." He spoke, first to Spencer and then to Penelope. The both of them nodded, understanding that it was important.

The case file said that a man had reported seeing a woman that looked like the unsub in his neighborhood, entering an abandoned house that was for sale. She had done it repeated times, and she always brought a different car, as if she didn't want to be recognized.

Spencer couldn't believe the information. He had an address in front of him, a place where you could possibly be. His heart was racing at full speed, and his hands were sweating. The bare thought of finding the woman that had taken you felt like a step closer to you. Reid hadn't said a word in the whole conference, but when Hotch said that Spencer wouldn't be entering the house, he couldn't help to yell.

"What?! But- I have to be there! I need to help her!"

"Yes. (y/n) needs you, and that's why we can't risk you getting close to the unsub. In case you can't control yourself and attack her, we don't wanna cause any kind of dangerous situation for (y/n)." Aaron spoke, and even though Spencer wanted to yell back at him, he stayed silent. All because he knew that he was completely capable of hurting your kidnapper.

Reid decided not to say another word and keep hearing the plan Aaron had made. His role would be to wait for you outside the place along with an ambulance, ready to comfort you. He knew that when you walked out of the door, his whole world would stop and that he would hold you with all his strength to never let you go again.

When you first talked about the possibility of getting together, you both knew that by working on the B.A.U. either of you could become the victim in any case you had. Despite this, both of you tried not to think often about that. You tried to keep your mind focused on work when a case was taking place. But now, now that was impossible for Spencer.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You were shaking, shocked, and crying when you heard a gunshot, followed by the sound of your kidnappers' body falling to the floor. It was over. They all were there to save you. The unsub was dead, and now you were free once again.

"(y/n)!" Hotchner's voice took you out of that dissociating state. "We'll get you out of here. Get up." You felt your boss grabbing your arm and lifting you up from the cold ground.

"Is she okay?!" It was Emily's voice that came from outside the basement. You could hear the worry in her tone.

"She's got some wounds, but she'll be okay. I'm bringing her out." Aaron kept talking with the rest of the people there, but you barely processed what they were saying.

You were still shaking. You felt your head starting to hurt when the sun rays reached your face. How long had you been in there? Hours? Days? You couldn't say properly. The images of what had happened this past time repeated on your head, the food you were forced to eat, the freezing floor, and the dead body falling in front of you.

Your head was racing, but it all seemed to disappear when you saw him: Spencer.

He ran into your direction, leaving behind his vest and any kind of equipment he had to wear due to the protocol. Spencer hugged you, feeling your shaking body against his, thinking about everything he wanted to tell you and how sorry he felt because you had to go through this.

Reid was warm. It wasn't a minor detail since his warmth made a huge contrast with all the coldness that was inside that basement. You felt like Spencer's hug was the first thing that actually made you feel like you had been saved. You knew that by being in his arms again, you were safe.

With all this going through your head, your body started to calm itself. Your boyfriend didn't let go the hug until you did first, he knew that you needed it more than any kind of therapy, Reid knew that you needed him. His hug felt like a place in which you could find solace, a place where everything that happened was forgotten and only comfort mattered. A hand of his was caressing your back, and with every move that he made you felt a little more cared.

You didn't know how much time you spent hugged to Spencer, but it didn't matter, cause it was what you needed.

Slowly, you pulled away from Reid, his eyes instantly meeting yours. It broke your heart to see such a sorry look in his eyes, but you understood that it was the only way he could feel at the moment. Other team members walked closer to you, they checked up on you, and you told them all that you were fine now.

Once you could be alone with Spencer again, you grabbed his hand and looked at him. Reid was avoiding your gaze at all costs, and you knew exactly why that was happening.

"Spence... look at me..."

"I failed to protect you..." His voice was filled with guilt. "Look what she did to you..." Now he dared to look up, and as he did a hand caressed the side of your face that had a bandage on it. Reid's eyes started to get teary, and he had to look away to not cry. He felt like with the team being around, he couldn't break so easily.

"You didn't fail to do anything... It was just bad luck. I'm back here with you now. You guys saved me..." You tried to look the positive side of things, as you hated to see your boyfriend blaming himself for your kidnap.

"How can I make it up to you...?" His voice was still cracked, but you knew that he didn't want to dig deeper into the topic.

"Just stay with me. I'll tell you when I'm ready to be alone again."

Spencer looked at you, and he gently grabbed your back to make your body lean over his. Now your head was resting in his shoulder, one of his arms around you. Reid kept caressing your body, and you just stayed in silence as he did. Maybe the moment wouldn't last long, and it wasn't even the smallest part of what you would need to recover from the situation, but when you both were sitting there, it felt like nothing could ever harm you again. You knew that as long as Spencer was right beside you, you would overcome anything.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Months had passed since the incident. You were still recovering from it and hadn't gone back to work. You had made a lot of progress, but unavoidably, there were setbacks.

You woke up in a cold sweat, your heart racing as you tried to focus on the fact that it had been a nightmare, since months ago you were safe. Your hands reached out for the sheets, trying to touch something that made you snap back from that terrified state. Your breathing was still irregular, and you could feel how it wasn't getting any better.

There had been something particular about that nightmare that affected you this much. Your head was spiraling with the images of that dream, when a hand placed on your back stopped it all. It was like knowing that he was there made you feel better almost instantly.

"Bad dream?" Your boyfriend's voice made you turn around, you only nodded in response.

Spencer sat up on bed, pulling his hand away from your back. Once he had made himself comfortable enough to speak to you face to face, he analyzed your face. He already sensed it was related to your kidnap.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened in it?" Now you were shaking your head. "It's fine... Actually, nightmares may occur when your body wants to send you signals that something is happening in the real world. Like, if you're sleeping over your arm and it's getting numb, your brain might make you dream that that same arm gets shot, and then you wake up and stop putting pressure on your arm..." He started to ramble, and you only smiled at him with a certain tireness in your face.

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't related to that... but I'll take in the knowledge." Reid smiled, relieved that you took it with a small hint of humor. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't be. If I can help you in any way, then it is a pleasure to wake up. Besides that, you know that for me it's always a good thing to wake up next to you." Now you were smiling. Spencer pulled you in for a hug, and he placed a couple of kisses on your face. "I love you, never doubt that. If you need me to help you with even the smallest of problems, don't doubt to reach out for me. I'm your boyfriend (y/n). I love you, and everything I want to do is see you alright..."

You both stayed in silence. There were no words left to say. Despite the fact that you had many setbacks along the way, it was reassuring to know that you could always count on Spencer to be there for you. And even though he didn't say it as often as he'd like, Reid loved you with all of his heart. He would always be ready to drop everything for you.

Everyone always told Spencer how smart he was and how much knowledge his mind held. But for him, there was only one thing he genuinely wanted to know and understand, and it was you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

[yandere-yearnings]

Know Me Like the Devil Knows My Sins (Loser!Yandere x GN!Reader)

feat. genie's loser yan

♡ oneshot, approx. 1.5k words

♡ post-specific warnings: yandere themes, implied kidnapping, violence, strangulation, implied death

♡ a/n: thank you to @moyazaika for letting me write abt his oc, loser yan!! genie, if you read this, pls ignore the fact that my characterisation sucks ass. this was over 3k but i went back and cut out the waffle bc there was a lot of it lmao, so ig it's technically edited, but not proofread.

♡♡♡

This basement was cold. 

Heated blankets and warm meals, however many times a day they were brought to you, didn’t change much. No windows or light for even a semblance of passing time, all you had was the annoying draft that skimmed through the door at the top of the staircase — the one you weren’t allowed near. You wouldn’t have been able to escape even if you wanted to, not with the chain around your ankle. For as free as he tried to make you feel, the heavy metal was a constant reminder that there was no liberty in his love, if it could even be called that.

You were waiting for his return, less because you wanted to and more because it was the only thing you could do other than read the books he’d given you. They were all your favourites, from the stories your mother used to read you as a child to the ones you’d pick up on your way home when you’d grown up. At first, you’d found the thoughtfulness of it endearing, feeling seen and understood and catered to. Somewhere, kept within his walls, you didn’t blame yourself for becoming as delusional as he was.

How could you enjoy anything anymore, with no one to share it with?

Each new day that passed, every page you would read and read again, only accomplished you in realising the loneliness that coiled around you. Second by second, growing larger than your life had been before this. Soon, your loved ones would stop looking for you. Soon, you’d be considered dead — and in death you would be all his. You knew that was what he wanted.

You had made yourself comfortable on the vulnerabilities he presented to you, in the way he shook when your fingers stroked his skin, his shudders at your calling his name. That was all too good to be true. If you had actual control in this, he’d have surrendered to you long ago. You’d been testing it. Playing mind games, pushing limits — he’d shut you down quick, then cover the shrewdness in his eyes with a bashful smile. You were no fool, and clearly he wasn’t either.

Your bitterness surmounted with the echoing of locks clicking open. There wasn’t a need for as many as he had placed to keep you here, you weren’t sure you could even run anymore. You hadn’t used your legs in so long. He’d surely catch you. He’d rip your throat out like he did in your nightmares. You had no faith you wouldn’t become another layer of red on the white paint surrounding. Perhaps you should’ve been thankful, if fear were to be a knife, he’d certainly dulled it for you — slinking in, shoulders slumped and looking as meek as ever. Really, from the first glance, he didn’t look like he could hurt a fly.

“Darling…” there was that tone, demure, like you could do anything to hurt him from your place on this filthy mattress, your place on the floor as he stood above you. Towering. This entire thing felt like a sick joke. You’d once considered there being a chance for you. Hope crumbled just like he did, to his knees to look into your eyes. “I missed you so much today, my love.”

You blinked at him. You knew where this was going.

“I mean- I miss you every day, don’t get me wrong!” Sheepish laughter, twitching fingers — all signs of his wanting your validation. “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about you, not at all. Work has been so hard, and you’re the only thing I can look forward to truly and- and I really, really wanted to come back home quickly and ask if you’d...”

His sentence trailed off, and it took all you had to suppress the urge to roll your eyes. He wasn’t very creative, that much was obvious. You’d initially chalked it up to some cute sort of performance anxiety that he experienced because he wanted to come off as appealing to you. Now, it had begun to dawn on you that he was simply struggling to keep up the pathetics. As you curled your digits into his hair, as you tugged him closer and let him muffle his weak moan into your neck, you wondered why either of you were bothering anymore. No audience except for the earwigs that crawled about, no one who’d watch this stupid, repetitive show.

“I’ll hold you,” you whispered, tired enough that even your dishonesty could be mistaken as gentle. “I’ll hold your heart. Don’t worry. I know.”

You could feel his lips on your skin, chapped, scraping where he tried to formulate words. You were sure he too felt this warring between the both of you, this constant fight, teasing superiority, challenging who would take the reigns in this sombre dance. Bored out of your mind, anticipating when he’d get tired of you — but you were his infatuation so that could never happen.

“Not enough about me,” he breathed, “my sweetheart, my entire world, you wouldn’t know what I’ve done for you.” His hands dug into your waist where they rested, gripping flesh over fabric like it would give him warmth. It wouldn’t, because it was freezing in here.

“Won’t you tell me?”

Quiet laughter. “You’d be scared if I did.”

“I already am.” Your words made him pull away, made him peer at you with those eyes. You held his gaze. “I already am afraid of you. I already know who you are. Tell me anyway, since-”

“Since you love me.” He interrupted you, finished your sentence with words you had not been planning to utter. He didn’t say it tentatively enough; gave himself away with that and the severe expression on his face that his hair did not hide. It was a shame that now wasn’t one of your better days, lest you’d have heeded the silent warning.

“Since I can’t leave,” you corrected. No energy for even a single ounce of regret, none to even whimper at the violent pressure of his grip on your collarbones.

Sometimes, he’d come to you with blood caked under his fingernails. Sitting there like he was sinless, mouth running for hours about you in every way he could. All your likes and dislikes, all your habits, all your life — as if you didn’t know yourself. Again, those lips were moving, spitting at you like it could quell the anger you could see bubbling beneath the surface.

Your perfect person, he spilled descriptions like the ideals you once had were his intimate study, asking you why. Why wasn’t he enough even though he’s everything you’d ever wanted? When he’d made sure of it? Your chance to answer was taken by lithe fingers on your neck, but if you could, you’d have told him that at its core, it was just that every desire you had, looked like something disgusting on him.

“Sweetheart, this isn’t like you, c’mon,” his words came ringing, buzzing, an entire choir of metal scraping metal underwater, your world spinning and head pressed back into the mattress too fast to stop him from climbing on top of you, “don’t deny your feelings for me.”

Your eyes rolled back and his hold on you only loosened a fraction. Staring at the dark inside your own skull, gasping breaths through bruised tissue. You thought you heard knocking, and surely it’d be death at your door if you didn’t backtrack now, didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, like you had been until you’d lost yourself in your own lies.

Survival instinct should’ve kicked in, but then sight and sound returned to you, and you accepted that you wouldn’t be the hero in your story. You’d get yourself killed, yet, how could you love a man that loomed over you with eyes on fire? He’d burn you up to make it through the winter, and find another once your ashes were blown away.

Even if it made you a villain, drowning in the blood pooling from your ears, you owed yourself your last rasp to him. “I hate you,” broken and choked on tears cutting through the numbness. Your nails clawing everywhere you could reach, on this bed of springs that felt nothing like the one you so desperately wanted to return to, you mourned all you were losing. 

Limbs going numb — salt — you’d never see home again.

When under constant observation, there’s only so much one can conceal about themselves. He knew that well. From the pictures of you in his gallery and the endless notes with your name repeated over and over and over — he’d chosen to obsess, and you were forced to, and you became his mirror the longer he kept you. Going mad, crazy, insane because his was the only face you could remember anymore.

You knew his moods from his scent and his needs from his touch, you knew him to the heart of the blank slate he’d always been, you knew him rooted carnally to you because it was the only thing grounding him. He hadn’t needed to tell you anything really, and you didn’t need to push. You knew him like the devil knew his sins.

And he’d take you to hell for it.

[viviennevermillion]

Taking a bath with him

✧ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ: have this ig

✧ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ: dan heng

✧ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: safe and sound — taylor swift

✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: non-sexual nudity

Listen Dan Heng is so unpredictable when it comes to this stuff. Sometimes you think he enjoys affection but doesn't crave it and then he texts you out of the blue to come to the archives and leaves you on read after that. You rush over there, wondering whether he found something shocking in the data bank and as soon as you enter the room he's in your arms, snuggling up to you.

"What's gotten into you?", you chuckle and hold the back of his head. Dan Heng nuzzles your neck. "I wanted to try and sleep soon... I thought it might be easier with you around..."

It wasn't the first time you had stayed over in your boyfriend's room, so you understood that your comfort eased Dan Heng's nightmares a little. But it was the first time he suggested you join him for a bath. He told you he was planning to do that anyway and that you're welcome to join him if you'd like.

Gets a little flustered at first, but smiles happily once you're in his arms in the warm water, closing your eyes and resting against his shoulder.

He shakes his head in disappointment when you try to put some of the bubbles from the bath on his head. "What's this supposed to be when you're done?", he gives you an amused smile and raises an eyebrow.

He'd tell you about his newest discoveries in the archives. With time, you had learnt that the reason he loves books so much was that they were the only thing that brought him a bit of joy during his years in the Shackling Prison; and they had become a constant in his life, so you were more than happy to share this passion with him and hear all about his work on the Express.

He has such a soothing voice and the warmth of the bath is so comforting that you fall asleep against his shoulder and Dan Heng doesn't notice until he's done with his rambles about that one creature he wanted to observe. "By the way, what was up with 'just wanna observe Dan Heng in the water'?", he raises an eyebrow, "though, I suppose you got your wish today, huh?" He chuckles and turns his head towards you only to find you sound asleep against him. "Oh-", he whispers but smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead.

He lets you rest there for a while, running his fingertips up and down your arm, before he gets up, careful not to wake you, and lifts you out of the bathtub. He dries you off gently and if you wake up he tells you not to worry about it. "Rest", he whispers and presses a soft kiss to your lips, "I'll handle everything."

He gives you one of his shirts that you manage to put on in your drowsy state, mumbling something about wanting Dan Heng to cuddle you as he drains the water in the tub and puts away the towels.

He actually hurries up for you. He slides under the covers of his bed in the archives and pulls you close, feeling you nuzzle into his chest and relax into the warmth of his embrace.

"I love you", he whispers when you've already entered the land of dreams again. Dan Heng loves how cozy it feels to hold you in his arms like this after a warm, relaxing bath. He makes a note in his mind that he should do this more often.

[rockleeisbaeeee]

Tw: angst ig, could be worst. Srry if there’s spelling mistakes.

——

I remember that summer night, when he promised me he wouldn’t forget me, he’d always love me, he’d wait for me.

Lies.

We kept contact for a week. Then nothing, never heard from him again, until.

“Atsumu miya, rookie athlete is now part of the Black Jackals.”

It had been a year since I returned to Japan when I heard it, my career brought me back here, like I knew it would. Like an idiot I texted him for one last time, that I was back, no response, now I know why, he was too busy focused on new people to even remember my name.

——

All those empty words left me forever scarred.

When I was young I dreamed of my happily ever after, getting married to an amazing husband, having kids and growing old together. That dream shattered the moment I saw him with a new girl is his arms on the tv a week later, he denied the relationship rumors, yet the picture was enough to prove that something did happen, he was fooling around while I grieved my shattered dreams, dreams that he was a part of, dreams he promised would become true, he lied.

——

Every day was a monote nightmare, I see him everywhere, my hate for him grows.

My career was taking slow, but firm steps. I always dreamed of being a journalist. I had started within the sports field, thanks to him, since we were supposed to be together, now it’s too late to focus on another field, I enjoyed watching people play though, their passion always made me feel alive. That was what one of the things I liked about him. Now I avoid writing or watching volleyball at all cost. But I knew one day I would have to, that day has come.

“Y/n the boss asks for you,” one of your coworkers said quickly when passing your desk. You went to your boss’s office, having a bad feeling in your gut. You knocked the door and entered, “you called for me sir?” Your boss was looking through some papers looking a bit stressed, “oh yes, you see we’re quite busy and we have no reporters left, I recommended you to the directors and we decided to let you interview the black jackals before their next game,” you froze, you knew you’d have to eventually see him, but never this directly. He wasn’t asking you so there’s no way you could refuse, the opportunity was too good anyways, you’d have to face your fear and see him, it’s fine, you can act as if you don’t remember, even if that was impossible, you could pretend. “Thanks for the opportunity, I’ll do my best.” You said bowing, he dismissed you so you went back to your desk.

I have to face him, there’s no backing out. Would he remember me? Probably not since last time we talked was five years ago, it was a flimsy love you too text, what a bitch. So far he’s acted like I don’t exist, like everything didn’t exist, so I’ll have to do the same.

I’ve gotten some attention in the sports world for my great work, but I doubt he’s ever read it. But that’s fine, the least he knows about me the better.

——

Two weeks later

You woke up, did your routine and went to work.

“Today is the big day! Aren’t you excited??” Lia, your best friend said when approaching your desk, she didn’t know about the thing you had with atsumu, you didn’t want anyone to find out and pity you, “yeah, it’s a great opportunity,” you said with a forced smile, honestly you weren’t feeling good, you felt like you were gonna vomit, but that feeling didn’t let you eat so you probably weren’t going to, “well, I’ll let you prepare, good luck, I know you’ll do good!!” she left to go back to her desk, her positivity got to you, it can’t be that bad, you’re worrying too much, if you just pretend to not know him it’ll be fine, right?

——

You were know standing in front of the gym, the nerves were eating you alive, but there’s nothing you can do now. Breathe, it’ll be fine, he doesn’t remember you. You think to yourself, but oh how wrong you were.

——

I don’t have motivation for part 2 of my oikawa fic so I came up with this, it will become a short series (maybe 3 parts) if anyone wants to be tagged let me know in the comments. Sorry if this feels weird, I made y/n speak in first person when talking to herself, but in third when describing the environment, I hope it’s not confusing 😓

I promise I’ll finish part 2 of the oikawa fic this week and get started with the next part of this one 🙏

[michael-the-candybar]

Rosekiller hc’s ‼️‼️‼️‼️ cause why not (tgere might be ones on here that are on other posts but whatever)

• evan has a cat that absolutely despises barty, for no reason whatsoever

• barty is the little spoon and i will stand by this. he cannot sleep unless he feels like he’s being suffocated by the other person

• barty does their tattoos and evan does their piercings

• there is not a moment where you would find the 2 not touching eachother. whether it’s barty whos thrown himself in evans lap and laying on top of him or it’s them holding hands with their pinky’s, there is always physical contact

• evan has a collection of random shit barty will find and give to him cause he thought it was cool

• evan dyes bartys hair

• when they first got together, barty was so scared to mess things up because this was the one person he couldn’t risk losing, which prompted evan to have to initiate a lot of things because barty didn’t want to push boundaries. especially if evans ace and he doesn’t know what’s okay and what isn’t for him

• they would totally use the room of requirment like a rage room.

• i like to think they’re both ridiculously tall but barty’s a few inches shorter. so evans hitting like 6’5-6’6 and barty is just hitting 6’2-6’3, this gives barty the excuse of stealing all of evans clothes, which are oversized to being with (actually i could see this either way tbh, depends on the day ig. today evan is taller)

• when they met in first year, evan scared the hell out of barty. he had met him through through being friends with pandora (ravenclaw barty‼️‼️), and having now 2 of them with their big bug blue eyes constantly staring and analyzing him, i wouldnt be surprised if he had a few nightmares about it

[angelstrawbabie420]

:33

the urge to drink is fucking unreal but i CANNOT under any circumstances be hungover tmrw

[jerzwriter]

A Time to Heal

Trystan x Carolina

One thing is for certain. When @/artbyainna (IG) comes to bat, she only hits home runs. I have run out of superlatives to describe how incredible her art is a long, long time ago... but she did it again! I simply love this!

Book: Crimes of Passion (Post Series) Pairing: Trystan Thorne x F!MC (Carolina Rose) Rating: Mature / 18+ / NSFW Words: 1,500 Summary: After a rough day on the job, Carolina & Trystan return to her apartment, where Trystan wants nothing more than to take care of her. But in the end, they realize they do their best healing together. A/N: @lexicook74-blog asked for a Trystan x Carolina hurt/comfort fic a long, long time ago. I can take a long time to get to them, but I'm determined to do all asks sent to me :) I hope you like it! Submitting to @choicesjunechallenge2024. It doesn't fit any of the prompts completely, but we can see indecision before he surrenders.

The two flights of stairs that led to Carolina’s apartment were something she and Trystan typically navigated with ease. If she took double steps, she'd be upstairs in a matter of seconds. Sometimes, Trystan would yell, “Race you!” when he already had a three-step lead, and they’d both end up panting before her door in an instant. But today wasn’t a typical day.

Trystan trudged along, inches behind his limping partner, who let out a soft whimper with every other step she took. Ensuring she got upstairs was his only concern, so he did his best to conceal his own pain. With just four steps to go, he thought he was in the clear when a muscle spasm seized his back and thwarted his plans.

“Ow! Ow, ow, ow... ouch!” He cried out in pain.

“Trystan,”  Carolina exclaimed. “What’s wrong? I knew you were hurt, too!”

“It’s nothing,” he replied, trying to wave it off, but his clenched teeth said otherwise. “If the Drakovian press knew I was whining about something so superficial, the people would demand my passport be rescinded at once.”

Carolina shook her head and leaned against the door as she fished around the bottom of her purse to find her keys.

“Does everything have to tie back to some strange Drakovian lore?”

“Usually,” he smirked, placing a kiss on her cheek.

A feeling of tranquility washed over them as they stepped inside. Carolina’s apartment. It was small and far from fancy, but the warm, cozy space always gave them a sense of peace. At minimum, they were pretty sure the floor under their feet would support them. Something they hadn’t had the luxury of earlier today.

“Come,” he said, guiding her to the couch. “Let’s get you seated.”

“Me?” she protested. “But you’re hurt, too!”

“Your hip is badly bruised and you’ve been limping! I still say you should have seen a doctor! You’re hurt. I merely have a boo-boo.”

“A boo-boo?” Carolina chuckled as he sat beside her. “Can I kiss it and make it all better?”

The smirk on his lips and the fire coming alive in his eyes made his thoughts clear, but ensuring his girlfriend was all right was his priority this evening.

“If you’re a good girl and let me take care of you, maybe I’ll let you tend to my boo-boos later.”

He rose from the couch to get Carolina an ice pack, but she reached for his hand and stopped him in his tracks.

“No, stay with me.”

“Lina,” he sighed. “Let me take care of you! You fell through a floor in an abandoned building today!”

“Ehh,” she shrugged. “It’s all in a day’s work. I’ve been through much worse. Besides, you fell through that same floor!”

“I just pulled a muscle,” he said, arching his back. “It’s nothing.”

“Well, mine is really nothing, too. We were quite lucky.”

“Of course we were,” he grinned, placing a buss on her lips. “You’re my good luck charm, after all.”

“Please,” she laughed. “Your life has been filled with one nightmare after another since we met. I’m hardly your good luck charm.”

“Ah, but I survived every one of those challenges, some of them largely because of you, so I’m sorry, Detective Rose. You’re my good luck charm. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make you chicken soup.”

“Chicken soup?” She queried. “That’s for colds and the flu, not two idiots falling through a ceiling.”

“Yes, but in times of trouble... we go with what we know. So, chicken soup it is.”

An hour later, they sat at the kitchen table, still sore, but full bellies delivered some relief.

“See, I told you,” Trystan mumbled as he bit into a crusty piece of bread. “Chicken soup heals all.”

“I guess,” Carolina smiled but quickly winced as her aches reminded her they were far from gone.

“Are you OK?”

“Just sore. I’m thinking of taking two Advil and then getting into a hot bath.”

“Don’t say another word!” He took their plates and began clearing the table. “I’ll go run the water for you.”

“Trystan, I can run my own bath!”

“Nope! This is not a battle you will win.”

“Fine,” she laughed. “I’ve learned to choose my battles with you. But make sure you add the new bubble bath we bought. This is a great time to start using it”

Moments later, Trystan helped Carolina to the bathroom; her face lit up when she saw what he had done. The scent of the lavender bubble bath wafted through the air, as dozens of little candles glistened around her old clawfoot tub, washing the room in a mystical glow.

“Trystan,” she smiled. “What did you do!”

“I can’t expect you to convalesce in an unsuitable environment.”

“You spoil me,” she sighed.

“And you better get used to it.”

Trystan helped her out of her clothes, becoming more transfixed with each new item that fell to the floor. Carolina was stunning, and he always found her irresistible; but the combination of candlelight and moonlight pouring in the window reflecting on her skin, their shadows accentuating every delicate curve on her body, it left him breathless.

But that’s not what tonight was about, and when he felt his body begin to stir, he deliberately turned away. Relieved when she slipped into the warm water. With her exquisite figure concealed under a plethora of bubbles, his primal urges began to dissipate.

“Ahhhh,” she breathed, as her tension drifted away. “This is just perfect.”

Trystan placed a small table with strawberry-infused water within her reach, then kneeled beside the tub, gently bopping her nose with a bubble-strewn finger.

 “You’re perfect.”

But Carolina's mood visibly shifted when he stood up and asked if she needed anything before he left.

“Leaving? Why are you leaving?” She tapped the water gently with an open hand. “There is plenty of room in here; I was hoping you’d join me.”

“But I want you to relax; you took quite a fall today.”

“Trystan,” she said with an arched brow. “You took the same fall! Now, get in here with me. That’s an order.”

“Well, if it’s an order...” he smirked.

Quickly removing his clothes, he slid into the tub across from his love, letting out a deep sigh the moment his body was submerged. With his arms stretched over the tub's sides and his legs rubbing against Carolina’s silky skin he wondered why this hadn't been his plan all along.

“This is divine,” he swooned.

“I told you! No way was I going to let you miss out on this.”

“And for that, I thank you!”

They closed their eyes, reclining in the soothing waters for a long while; but when Trystan opened his eyes again, he found Carolina’s sultry brown eyes peering at him, a playful grin on her face. 

“Yessss?” He droned.

“Do you have any idea how sexy you are in this lighting?”

“In this lighting?" He said, feigning insult. "I thought I looked sexy in all lighting!"

Carolina barked out a laugh. “That goes without saying, of course! But in this lighting... you’re especially desirable.”

Carolina was stunned; perhaps the candlelight was impeding her vision, but she swore she saw Trystan Thorne blush.

“You’re one to talk,” he whispered. “You’re simply ravishing.”

The lapping water made delicate sounds as Carolina pushed herself up and moved closer to Trystan. This allowed him a quick peek at her luscious curves before he felt them pressed firmly against his chest.

“Then, why aren’t you ravishing me," she purred in his ear.

Trystan thought he might melt into the water. “Lina,” he moaned. “What are you doing to me?”

Her pride morphed into a smile as she dragged her hand up his thigh, then slowly, excruciatingly slowly, skimmed her fingers along his hardened length.

“I haven’t done anything yet,” she teased. “But that’s about to change.”

He let out a muffled growl when her arms wrapped around him, stoking her desire even more.

“Lina, you’re hurt," he said, offering one last out.

“I’m fine!"

“I want you to feel better!”

She pushed back with seductive eyes, just begging to be taken.

“If you want me to feel better... I can offer some suggestions on how you can do that.”

His erection pulsated against her thigh, and she silently lauded herself for her restraint at that moment.

“Are you sure?” he whispered as her hands sunk under the water grasping him at his base, pleasuring him with slow, deliberate strokes until he quivered beneath her.

“100% sure,” she hissed, parting his lips with her tongue, entangling it with his for a long, sensual kiss.

The grin on his face couldn’t have been wider when they parted. “If you keep doing this, I'll see to it that we fall through ceilings together every day."

Carolina straddled him, placing him at her center before holding him tight. Unbridled shrieks of pleasure filled the air as she slowly sank down on him. He reached up and cupped her breasts just as he filled her completely. She closed her eyes, remaining still for just a moment to savor the feeling, and then, with a wicked grin she began to grind shamelessly against him.

If either had a worry about the water that splashed onto the floor, they certainly didn't show it as they brought each other to the precipice of pleasure again, and again until they unraveled in each other's arms.

“I don’t know what doctor recommended this treatment plan,” Trystan said trying to catch his breath. “But I really need to thank them.”

"What, this is how I fix boo-boos?" Carolina smiled.

"Then, I need to thank you."

Shortly after, the couple curled up in bed... completely in need of painkillers to soothe their aching muscles. But the blissful smiles on their faces as they drifted off to sleep made it very, very clear... sore muscles be damned, it had all been worth it.

@choicesficwriterscreations

[artsyannierose]

Nene’s Dead Corpse and her ghost bf

randomly made a crap ton more sense to me

why?

fricking school (screw school I hate you (no not rly I’m just stressed))

Anyway I’m a biomed class where unit 1 is studying medical investigations forensic science style

and one of the things is like, what happens to a person after the body has been dead for a while (post mortem or sum, see im learning :D)

Things like algor mortis, livor mortis, I’ve heard of. In fact I’ve even studied the clouding of the corneas before, but it never got to me till today

maybe it’s cause I cannot for the life of me study forensics without my wild imagination giving me nightmares or just panicking when I’m alone but aNyWays

I tend to imagine characters associated with death in these scenarios so I don’t lose it in class💀

*cough* Nene *cough cough*

So as I was taking notes on the slideshow, some of the images of clouded corneas reminded me strangely of something familiar, but at that point I couldn’t tell. There’s something haunting about the eyes (or maybe it’s just my over-analytical brain loving small details like this) they’re GORGEOUS

LIKE

IDK THEYRE PRETTY

Maybe it’s ‘cause the true color of the iris is completely visible in all its glory, without the pupil obscuring it

(something like this?? A little vivid tho lol)

but like

there’s no

life

no reflection, no emotion…nothing (which is so hauntingly beautiful leave me alone I’m a sucker for this now)

it’s literally just an eye with nothing but color

and then it hit me…it’s exactly the look Nene had when Mirai fast-forwarded her time

you can see in the image it’s just her plain magenta eyes with a fuzzy de-saturated blob in the center…aka clouded corneas

And that honestly made me realize that in this scene she’s not—she’s not even unconscious

No she’s literally, physiologically dead

THAT IS A CORPSE HE IS HOLDING

she is literally a dead body this hits me so hard😭😭

and I can imagine algor mortis kicked in by then, her body was probably cold to the touch

so imagine how he felt, and I’m aware people have analyzed his emotions but just think about it

he’s always seen her so full of life and hope, and now all he has left is an empty shell of her, cold and dead with no life left inside

…just like him

the more I think about it Hanako is just an animated corpse

he has no reflection in his eyes most of the time because he is ✨dead✨

I mean Mei, Mitsuba, and Hanako don’t have a little white reflection dot like Nene and Kou

Or maybe I’m overthinking it and Nene’s eyes are just super reflective

even for someone who presumably took his own life, he probably never saw tsukasa’s body start postmortem and actually feel dead bc it looked extremely bloody ngl (I’m guessing he killed himself right after 💔)

and now he’s holding someone he cares about like this for the first time and I’ll bet that scarred him

and he figured out that never, never ever did he ever want to see his sweet assistant like this again, lifeless in his arms

and so after that, cue Hanako in his villain era who basically became a yandere the entire picture perfect lmao

and he was unbelievably adamant about it too

I mean honestly if I held anybody I knew lifeless like that I’d be scarred for life and crying for days

seeing the light drained from someone’s eyes is so interestingly sad to me

Look at the difference:

Happy

vs Sad/Determined

vs Depressed (ig??)

vs Dead

She still has so much emotion in her eyes

and then d e a d

literally looks like a porcelain doll

wait she looks so pale in the last image compared to the others now that I think about it

I love aidairo’s eye for detail it’s so fun to figure out

Well anyways thanks for coming to my Ted Talk essay atp-

IT’S PAST 1 AM AND I SHOULD BE STUDYING FOR SAID BIOMED CLASS AND HERE I AN GOING ON A TANGENT ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER’S EYES

send help

anyways excuse me while I grab a box of strawberries to munch on and cry my eyes out all over my homework before I sleep-